Celeste (2018)

A Fan Is Attempting To Recreate Celeste On The NES, And You Can Play It Now

These kinds of demakes make me think. If the hardware could support this game, why didn't it come out back in the day? Is there some tech from today that enables us to push the hardware further than before? Is it that it takes a lot of effort to do it so it wasn't viable as a comercial product? Or that the development tools were crude and slow so it was too hard to even get to a prototype, so the motivation wasn't there? O maybe is not about hardware or software but the technology of game design itself; maybe Celeste was impossible then because we didn't know enough about making videogames, the way some painting styles were not possible before we figured out perspective and not due to some limitation of painting technology.

I want SO BADLY for this game to be good that it keeps tricking me into trying it.

Platformers are my favorite genre, the thing I'm best at above all else. I'm pretty great at FPS's, but I'm overly exceptional at platformers. And yet, despite all its praise, this is one of the worst platformers I've ever played. The controls aren't tight. They're floaty, making her extremely hard to direct, which is kind of not good when it comes to precision platforming. I'm not a fan of pixels much either, but that's a personal preference and I understand that that isn't a fair thing to judge a game on so I won't hold the visual against it. Really it comes down to controls, ultimately. It just isn't fun to play, plain and simple. She'll often do things you don't want, despite putting in the correct input and holding the right direction on the dpad or stick. She's slippery, she's unpredictable and she's almost nigh impossible to actually control. As I said, not a great thing when it comes to precision platforming.

And aside from that, if you want a game about hiking up a mountain with an emotional center, might I suggest "A Short Hike". Sure it's brevity is no match for "Celeste's" length in terms of gameplay, but it's simply more enjoyable to experience on every possible level. It handles well, it's a great setting, and personally, I find the emotional center to be far more rewarding and impactful, partially because it doesn't hit you over the head with it the entire time and instead sneaks up on you at the very end. Part of the problem with "Celeste" is that it almost insists upon itself that it's deep, and you get that feeling from the get go, therefore nothing they do really ever surprises you, and if anything, it all feels super self congratulatory. And that's without the dialogue being cringe on top of it all.

NOW, all that being said, I don't want to shit on something made by a queer person that helped them along their actual journey of self discovery. I recognize that the person who really made this game came out as trans as a result, and I'm happy for her. Anytime that art can effect the person directly making it, and I say this as someone who has it happen quite often herself, that's a win in my book. I'm also queer, and so I don't want to punch down on other queer creators. I recognize that, in a way, the game was the creator coming to terms with - albeit unknowingly at the time - who they actually are and that's admirable. Hell, it's hopeful, even.

But that doesn't make the game enjoyable.

Because, much as I may also be a queer artist who's learned things about herself through her art, I also recognize that not everything I put out is golden. In fact, some of it isn't even a polished turd. We're not infallible when it comes to creation, is what I'm saying. Sometimes we produce bad things. Lord knows I've produced my share. And that has nothing to do with who we are, really. It doesn't change who we are as people. It just means that sometimes our creations miss the mark when it comes to being enjoyable pieces of media.

"Celeste" is one of those rare games that simply convinced everyone it's good. I know there's people who genuinely like it, I do, and I respect their interests. Lord knows I love plenty of bad movies. There's no shame in liking something of a less quality. We like what we like. And the game does have its redeeming values, I'll even say that. But when it boils down to it, a platformer, above all else, is the one gametype that depends ENTIRELY on its gameplay, and if that isn't fun to engage with, then it isn't a fun game. It has tricked me time and time again into believing it might be, because you see the reviews, the hype, and you think "Well, everyone else loved this, clearly I must've missed something", but no. The controls are awful, the story is overbearing to the point of being so on the nose that it's rhinoplasty, and the whole package, while great for the team that managed to make it, simply isn't enjoyable to engage with. Simple as that.

I'd rather hike up a mountain as a bird. At least that isn't beating me over the head every 5 minutes with its insistence that it's meaningful.