Grand Theft Auto V (2013)

I have never seen an entertainment product sell so much while meaning absolutely nothing. GTA 5 is not just a game synonymous with the Grand Theft Auto brand, its every parents preconception of a video game, one of the highest selling pieces of entertainment media ever. In this game you play as 3 truly distinct psychopaths -

Micheal - An ex-criminal in a sort of corrupt witness protection program who basically cares about noone but himself and has no redeeming traits what-so-ever.

Trevor - Cookie-Cutter Insane man who basically has no purpose other than cynical chaos, no matter what the story tells us.

Franklin - He's... Franklin? I genuinely cannot think of one unique feature this supposedly great character possesses.

These three tear through Los Santos in the most convoluted and uselessly confusing crime based rampage ever put onto screen. If I cannot remember a single character in a 40 hour video game or any of its story/plot beats(yet I could probably recite every single detail of the twice as long RDR2) you have simply failed to make a interesting experience. If you look at the open world of GTA5 at surface level its... good I guess? But when you actually try to do anything other thant mow down the absolutely lifeless NPC's that have no purpose than to spawn in and get killed, the illusion falls down very fast.

In addition, for a game that is absolutely critical of basically everything, the monetization schemes of Rockstar games stand in absolute contrast with its messages. It critiques American capitalist and business culture to the absolute extreme, while its base online expansion, GTA online, encapsulates all of those themes wholeheartedly and to ridiculous lengths with its shark card structure, making this one of the most hypocritical games developed. It is nihilistic to such an extreme degree that people in this world aren't even characters but bland caricatures and stereotypes. It worries me how much acclaim and success this game has received, especially with its insanely derisive and contemptuous game structure. It's a game that means nothing, says nothing, and by extension exacts to nothing.

Sorry for the nihilistic ending. Have a nice day!

Score: 33/100

(P.S. Updated review from backloggd account)

Grand Theft Auto V isn't just a game; it's an immersive experience that transports you into the heart of Los Santos, a sprawling metropolis teeming with life, danger, and opportunity. From the moment I stepped into the shoes of Franklin, Michael, and Trevor, I was hooked on their gripping tale of crime, betrayal, and redemption.

Rockstar Games has crafted a masterpiece with GTA V, seamlessly blending action-packed gameplay with a richly detailed open world that feels alive at every turn. Whether I was cruising down the streets in a stolen sports car, engaging in high-octane shootouts with rival gangs, or pulling off daring heists that left me on the edge of my seat, every moment in Los Santos felt exhilarating and unpredictable.

But what truly sets GTA V apart is its unparalleled attention to detail. The city feels like a living, breathing entity, filled with countless activities and diversions to discover. From playing a round of golf to diving into the murky depths of the ocean in search of hidden treasure, there's never a shortage of things to see and do in this vast sandbox.

Of course, the real highlight of GTA V is its story mode, which serves as the backbone of the experience. The intertwining narratives of Franklin, Michael, and Trevor kept me thoroughly engaged from start to finish, thanks in no small part to the stellar voice acting and expertly crafted dialogue.

In addition to the captivating single-player campaign, GTA V also boasts a robust multiplayer mode in the form of Grand Theft Auto Online. Whether teaming up with friends to tackle heists or engaging in fierce PvP battles across the city, the online component adds endless replay value to an already content-rich package.

In conclusion, Grand Theft Auto V is nothing short of a triumph. With its stunning visuals, immersive gameplay, and unforgettable characters, it sets a new standard for open-world gaming. Whether you're a longtime fan of the series or a newcomer looking for your next gaming obsession, GTA V delivers in spades.

Normally, the game wouldn't be much for me, but managing my businesses and buying clothes and cars makes it incredibly enjoyable.

I soon realized that my friend and I enjoy playing GTA Online as a life simulation. We also do random activities like going on trips on a sailing ship or hiking barefoot on Mount Chiliad.

GTA Online is well-suited for all those kinds of activities because it offers a world where a lot is possible and simultaneously is close to the real world. That makes it a good place to fool around with a friend.

To counter the aggressive toxic players, we prefer playing in private lobbies. And sure, it's still GTA, which means we have to do missions that are out of character. But it's alright because we do them for the money, which allows us to have fun afterwards.

We also thought about trying Roleplay Servers. However, besides not having enough time for that, I believe Roleplay Servers would be too perfect for me and might ruin me. I fear I'd become completely absorbed in this alternate reality forever.

If a Sims game comes out with a multiplayer, I know I'm doomed.

Thank you for reading my review. 💚

Ricci

Thinking about GTA V's plot genuinely makes me feel like a crazyperson. Like I know that nobody actually cares because it's a running-people-over game but I swear that the story feels like 40% of the scenes were removed by accident or something and it's never talked about. The entire impetus for the bank robbing plot from what I recall is that Michael Funnyman wrecks a gangster's house by accident to get to some guy his wife was cheating on him with, so he has to work up enough money to pay him back but then that whole thing just kind of resolves itself offscreen and none of the characters ever mention it ever. I don't remember there being any off-hand dialogue like "damn good thing we got the money and negotiated peace with that crime boss huh", the characters just act in a way that implies the situation had been resolved without directly referring to it. Or how Michael keeps repeatedly involving himself in the crime enterprise despite wanting him to get out of the game. They all decide to rob the Union Depository by the end for a reason that either I don't remember or doesn't actually exist and then the game's basically over except then one of the villains calls by Franklin's house and you're given the choice between three ending paths, none of which have any build-up in the story at all. Like you have the choice between doing the mission where the protagonists kill off all the villains in a way that feels like they could have done so at literally any point in the game or you can pick the two endings where you kill your friends for no reason. The ending where you SPOILER FOR A GAME FROM 2013 THAT LITERALLY EVERYONE ON PLANET EARTH HAS PLAYED kill Michael is genuinely really funny because Michael just pulls up in front of Franklin moments before getting a phone call explaining to him that everything that ever went wrong in his life has just been instantly corrected in a heavy-handed attempt to guilt-trip the player and then the situation turns to violence in like less than 20 seconds. I love how Franklin's voice actor is audibly trying to work with a script that doesn't even make a lick of sense while his character acts in a way no remotely rational person ever would whereas Michael's VA is putting his entire pussy and a half into turning this ending that they probably wrote in one draft just for the sake of having multiple endings into the heightened climax of a modern Shakespearean drama.

Gameplay review: you stab and shoot people and they die and that's basically great GOTD 10 stars

For whatever reason, being a big fan of the four previous entries, I had never played GTA V until now. After seeing it was leaving Game Pass soon, I decided to dive into it and hope I would be able to at least finish the main story. 38 hours later, I can honestly say this was definitely one of the best games I’ve played over the last decade. It’s not to say GTA V doesn’t have its issues - the main ones being, in typical Rockstar fashion, an overly limiting mission structure and a clunky control and movement design that is especially frustrating when indoors and handling vehicles. But this is a case where the positives far outweigh the negatives to deliver an awesome overall gaming experience. Even though the story suffers from some continuity problems and even a lack of logic here and there, it was actually a lot more interesting than I thought it would be. The aggressiveness in tone and themes was one of the most prevalent traits in previous GTA titles, and it’s great to see it refined here, even if it’s done in a more over the top, caricatural way. Being able to jump between three very different characters, all with their particular personalities, strengths, storylines and business opportunities to explore, was in my opinion the best new addition to the franchise considering the depth it offers. And of course, the game’s strongest point: the world. The setting GTA V was able to create is nothing short of wonderful. There’s so much to do, so much to see, so much variety in terms of scenery, interactions, side quests, investments and mindless activities, that I can see anyone easily sinking 100+ hours into it without feeling a bit of boredom. This may not be not my favourite GTA in terms of atmosphere, but it’s certainly the one with the most accomplished world, and I now get why it serves as the blueprint for the formula that so many of the open world games that came after tried to capture.

I’m sure nothing I’ve said here is new, but I still wanted to share my thoughts for the few people out there who haven’t tried this game yet and are wondering if it’s still worth it in 2021. To my mind, it 100% is. Even factoring in its flaws, GTA V is a fantastic game and a fully realised satire of modern day crime, fun, consumerism, routines and stereotypes, in a world that feels connected and constantly engaging. A straight 9/10 experience in my book.

Now, I don’t have the biggest connection to GTA as a whole, but when it works, you bet your ass it’s good. Personally, GTA V is still not my favorite, that would be San Andreas, but both are in my all-time favorites.

PROS:

• This has possibly one of the best open-worlds in all of video games. Each of the civilians have character when you do something., and the pure scope and scale of the buildings make for a fully realized and fleshed out open world that Rockstar* obviously spent time on. Also, the activities are cool, like really fun.

• I admit, even with stuff like San Andreas (and most apparent in GTA IV), the driving controls are kinda shit. This fixes it. You no longer have to slog through controls that feel like trying to steer a wheel covered in butter. This is fun.

• The story never sticks to me in GTA games, but this is pretty smart. A commentary on an America after a crisis? That’s a very interesting way to handle things, and it tackles it fairly well.

• The characters are messed up. But their interactions are really funny and it’s so fun to see them do some ridiculous stuff. They act like real people, even though they are kinda douches with families and messed up histories.

• The pacing is on point. Not only does it help with narrative, but also helps with gameplay. All three characters specialize in different skills, which might seem kind of cheap, it makes for a more satisfying experience.

• The first person added in later versions isn’t a necessary addition, but it definitely makes the game more smooth and going in and out between perspectives can help you do some cool stuff.

• The graphics aren’t something I can talk about extensively, but for a really big game, there aren’t any unfinished textures or gamebreaking glitches like a lot of other games, even in the GTA franchise.

• And since, it doesn’t have its own page for an individual review, I’m gonna talk about GTA Online. Yep, it’s fun. It’s super cool to build up your inventory and even thought I never played the original, slightly broken version, it’s fun.

CONS:

• I complimented the story, but it doesn’t really come off subtlety at all. Like, yeah, I’m pretty sure we would’ve got the message, and by that point it kind of ruins some of the commentary and realism (which to be honest, I don’t really need).

• Continuing on with the GTA Online argument, I don’t see myself playing it too often. There’s no real reason to come back other than the constant updates (which is really good), so I’ll only really play it if an update comes out.

Overall, GTA V is really solid. There’s no denying that, one of the greatest games of all time. It’s polished and a joyride to try to complete and there is a reason for it being one of the highest-selling games of all time. Rockstar* really hit it out of the park, and the Cayo Perico Heist is a really good time. Recommend to anyone who’s a fan of games they can just play and have a good time with.

Yeah so after 7(!) years I finally played this, I have such clear memories of this game coming out while I was in high school and literally everyone going crazy about it and everyone talking about it, but because I was used to buying games on steam I didn't really want to pay the $60 launch price for it or whatever and so I listened with awe at how cool the game sounded and told myself I couldn't wait to buy it and play it for hours, that is when it went on sale for a reasonable price, and eventually it kind of just became free before I could buy it sooooo I guess 7 years go by faster than I'd like to admit.

Putting that aside, I think I kind of went into this with the impression that it was a masterpiece, not only did high school kids like it when it came out, but it seemed like reviewers did too, and it seems like users and reviewers are still aligned on it being at least very good if I check the metacritic scores right now. I guess this increased my expectations quite a bit, more or less I was expecting to love it.

So I was not surprised when, for the first couple hours of the game I really really was loving it. The opening bank robbery is amazing, and I remember thinking: "oh boy am I going to enjoy this game..." Later switching to Franklin and getting a feel for the switching mechanic I continued to be impressed. The story was impressive too - the moment where Franklin breaks into Michael's house is just plain awesome.

What's more, I am loving the music, I keep my phone with shazam open while I am playing this because there are so many songs on the radio I enjoy. In fact this is actually true throughout the game, even getting toward the end I still found myself shazamming tracks.

But at some point I stop finding it fun. It's not an instant feeling of "oh this is so boring now" it's more just me noticing that "oh I have to drive to the other side AGAIN? Goddamn." Maybe it's because I did too many side missions, I'm not totally sure. Or maybe it's because I only figured out the taxi cab embarrassingly late in the game. Either way it just starts feeling more and more like a slog.

(And I also get a copy of Metal Gear Solid the Legacy Collection about halfway through which I am just dying to play but I promise myself I won't start on until I finish a couple of games first)

Anyways, all of this is to say that I think I kind of like the story and kind of like the game, but they are both just so drawn out with so much repetition that I can't help but feel a little bored by it. I will say, however, that toward the end of the story, things start picking up again big time which was fun to play. Did I love the game, not really, I think I kinda liked it though.

There's probably a lot I didn't speak about, but that's just what was front of mind.

TL;DR: Play Saints Row 3 or 4 instead.

Rating Overview

GTA 5: ★★★

GTA Online: ★

Intro

I'm mostly just puzzled by what has happened to GTA. GTA 5 is only the third GTA game i've played. The last one was San Andreas, about 15 years ago. I've also actually played the very first GTA, back when it was a top-down shooter. I enjoyed both of those, they were fun and silly. GTA 5 rarely is.

The good

• The driving is really smooth.
• The voice-acting in this game is top-notch.
• Shooting people in the head in bullet-time never gets old.
• Having 3 different characters is a bonus for the most part.
• The heists are really fun.
• Some of the other missions are entertaining as well.
• The various DJs are amusing.

The best part of the game by far are the commercials and some of the talk radio stuff. Whether they're advocating forcing people to carry a gun by law or advertising lobotomies they always cracked me up.

The bad

Pretty much everything else in this game is bad. I could give a list but it would be endless. I'll try really really hard to keep this short.

Secret Of The Magic Criminals

Okay, i'm going to write a unique sentence, something no one has ever written before: GTA 5 reminds me of... Secret of the Magic Crystals. Yes, the legendarily bad game. I've written a review of it to accompany this one. The games are really similar. There's a bunch of mini-games. And you have to physically get to them to play them. The rewards are used to play the actual game. The problem is that the various mini-games like racing or smuggling are very basic, uninteresting and repetitive. I play GTA to be a criminal. If i wanted to race i would play a proper racing game. GTA isn't the only game to poorly blend genres/gameplay, but it's such a big part that it stands out.

A Waste Of Time

Another big problem is that the game loves to waste your time for the purposes of """realism""". You constantly have to drive everywhere (this is like 80% of the game). During missions you sometimes have to swim or walk for a bit which is only annoying. If your armor is destroyed you have to go to a store and buy new armor. Clothing is on different racks in different stores. Sometimes when switching characters you are dropped in the middle of nowhere and have to spend 5-10 minutes just to get to a road. All of these simple things just take too long.

Bad Mission Design

There are some really bad missions. Ironically, one of them involves a train ("All you had to do was follow the damn train, CJ!"). You have to jump on top of it and than drive to the engine. If you lose momentum you will inevitably fall between the cars. I skipped it after about 4 tries. Another bad one is the plane smuggling mini-game. It takes quite a long time to make all the drops, the NPC constantly complains about you flying too high and if you get spotted you have to start from the beginning. Ugh. I also had a property mission where i had to get a car from A to B. The starting point was way in the hills above me and it would take a minute or so to drive there. The mission started anyway based on proximity. I noticed this fairly quickly but still didn't get even halfway there before it failed. That's just amateurish.

Awful Dialogue

The dialogue at the start of the game and all dialogue involving Lamar is so bad i honestly starting looking for a mod to mute it. I figured out quickly how to skip cutscenes but had to turn off all sound during the missions. A bunch of unbearably bad, shallow 'ghetto-gangster' stuff that makes it feel like my IQ is dropping by the second. I love both The Wire and Pulp Fiction so it's not like i mind swearing or whatever.

Terrible Controls

There are dozens of different activities each with their own controls which sometimes conflict. So often i had to look up how to do something in a certain instance because there's no logic to it. All air vehicles share the same controls but they work differently. Planes move forward with W and up with NumPad8. Helicopters move foward with NumPad 5 and up with W. Want to move the camera? Grow a third hand to use the mouse. I've completed the main story and almost all side-missions and i still can't fly a helicopter because of this insanity.

Interface

There are also so many different interfaces and they're awful. Saving is done in your phone, loading in a menu. Buying stuff is done on a browser on your phone and you have to go through a bunch of screens. Ordering a cab is done through your phone but not via the Downtown Cabs contact at the top of the contact list. There's no button to quickly eat food to heal. There are 3 different dials (characters, weapons, radio) that i constantly confused. Speaking of the radio, it only works in cars and you can't pick a default station so you always have to manually change it. Reloading is done with R but in a car it switches to cinematic camera. If someone calls you during combat you will hang up by accident because it's done with the right button just like aiming. You can scroll with the mousewheel or cursor through your contact menu on your phone but not through savegame slots in the load/save menu. If you want to play Online without others you have to do it from Story Mode.

The list goes on and on. And in Online it's 10x worse.

GTA Online

This is probably the worst online gaming experience i've ever had.

Hope You Like Loading Screens

There are constant waits for everything. Getting into a game from boot-up takes up to 10 minutes. Also it doesn't fucking load in the background. What fucking cunt thought that was a good idea? And you're inactive for about a minute? You get booted and have to spend a couple minutes to get in again. Playing a mission requires several minutes of waiting. Someone left during the waiting? Start all over again. The game often crashes as well.

Shit Gameplay

The first mission was a 4 vs 4 deathmatch with pistols and no respawns. After lots of waiting we got to play this boring match and it was awful. There are P2W (pay-to-win) first person shooters that are better than this.

The second mission was for Lamar. First you can't skip his godawful dialogue so you actually have to sit through that. You start the mission. It's all quite easy. Then you get to the last part and it's 10x harder and someone else gets shot. So you lose instantly. Because someone else got shot. In a multiplayer game. It's Payday 2 all over again. It took 5 tries to finally win. FFS.

Literally Unplayable

I mentioned the constant crashes. There are more problems. To do many missions including heists you need to buy properties. To buy properties you need to be called by Simeon for some goddamn fucking reason (go and fuck yourself whoever thought of this). Anyway he never called me. Not on my first character, not on my second. I've tried all solutions shown online, nothing worked. So i can't progress. Fun.

Other Stuff

GTAO roughly doubles the amount of different menus and it's awful. At some point i was the host and i didn't realise the button to start the mission was under the mission options instead of the bottom right with all the other general controls. It wasn't even properly colour-coded or highlighted or anything.

GTAO also adds the Online menu, with a bunch more options some of which are rather cryptic. It also seems to lack options to disable many of the popups that always popup when starting the game. Or the constant barrage of "player left/died" messages that are super-distracting.

Conclusion

One of the best features of this game is that you can skip segments of missions. That says a lot about it. If you got GTA 5 for free, the Story Mode is decent enough but don't even consider thinking about perhaps playing GTA Online. Otherwise don't bother at all and get an actual fun game like Saints' Row 3 or 4.

Saints Row is basically what GTA used to be. Imagine modern-day GTA without all the fun cut out. With proper menu's and universal controls. Plus actual stuff to do on the map itself. And no stupid fucking assassination/stock market grinding required to get to the good part.

**I played the PS4 version.

Thoroughly enjoyed playing this game.

What I loved:

• Beauty of the open world, it was stunning on the PS4. There were times where I'd get myself into car crashes because I'd be messing with the camera to give myself a panoramic view of my surroundings as I was driving. I just wanted to stare at everything.
• Sheer variety of activities to do. This is a game where you can rob banks, fly planes, steal cars, jump out out of helicopters, or just blow shit up in general. The main story ensures that you can do all of these things. I avoided partaking of random activities like tennis or golf, or having sex with prostitutes because they didn't interest me. However, for those who want to immerse themselves in the world this way, it's an added benefit.
• Absolutely superb voice acting and dialogue - outstanding, the best voice acting I've heard in a video game to date.
• Good story. I enjoyed the story, and did feel compelled to see it through to the end. I wasn't riveted or anything, but I don't necessarily think that's what the game was aiming for.

Negatives

• Too much driving - honestly, while sometimes I enjoyed driving around the city and appreciating the world around me, I found it tedious to have to drive long distances everywhere I went. It would be nice if in future GTA's they perhaps include something like fast-travel.
• Clunky controls - the controls felt a bit clunky at times, and while it didn't detract too much from my overall enjoyment, there were points where I was very frustrated. I particularly didn't like the flying controls. Sometimes flying planes and choppers felt smooth, but other times it felt impossible to simply go straight and i was just veering wildly from side to side until (by luck) I reached my destination. The combat could also be a bit smoother, but in general I still had fun shooting people and beating them up.

This game is absolutely amazing,i mean if we want to say anything about it,there are no negative things to be said.

The graphics are absolutely outstanding.Players will be very impressed with them. Environment looks very realistic,everything about it,the water,the people,trees...Absolutely everything.

Story and plot are very captivating and interesting,i love the fact that this installment is a about three characters,not just one,and that the player gets to switch at anytime he wants between characters.But makers did not change what GTA is all about,what we look for in GTA, and that is the most important thing,they preserved what the series is about (Driving insanely fast and dangerous, shooting guns...)

To keep this short and sweet,if you are considering buying this game,stop considering and thinking and do it.You won't regret it at all.it the most fun,enjoyable,dangerous GTA to date.If you are familiar with the series,then you know about all the action that goes on in it,in this latest installment,they just made it a lot more realistic,bigger and better.

I highly recommend it.It is worth the money,and worth the time spent in playing it.