Captain Wayne: Vacation Desperation (2025)

the fun ye be havin here, she cannot be denied. her influences, they be like the stars: there be many, but they be guides only. ye're destination, they be not. be it, as it may, built nailed and lacquered from the boards of ye old hellstomper, doom, and with the brazen bravado and shapeliness of ol' commodore nukem, these waters be hers and hers alone. she sails them not as did her forebears.

many a brigand and scofflaw shall be scuffled, and colors aplenty do they prance about in. but so, too, looks the environs! rife with the seagreens and brinyblues, the magentas of the rum bottle, be all ye lay ye're eyes upon, which can make it hard to tell fiend from frond, bastard from barstool. ye'll oft realize a knave is within pistol-distance when a bullet grazes ye're whiskers.

fair? no, cannot be callin' it fair. but mediated? yes. indeed, yes. for fortifications abound, chum buckets and shot glasses to swell ye're belly and ye're constitution. more than one stomach could possibly hold! full to bursting, she is, like the hold with booty or the brig with ne'er-do-wells.

teetering both ways is a kind of balance. take too much damage, gain too much health. what's it make ye? it makes ye swift. it makes ye reckless. it makes ye move without caution nor care. makes ye hop and kick, run and blast and set things ablaze before ye even take their shape in. whether this mentality be intended, or be the result of compensating deficiencies with other deficiencies, I cares not, and ye shouldn't either. the feel of a drunken brawl is felt in each and either case. worry yerself not a bit about what the creator meant by it. enjoy it.

there be those who sail to the edge of the map to ride the monsters. this be the game for them.