Euro Truck Simulator (2008)

I've never really been one to understand the appeal of the whole "simulator" genre. I mean, sure, Goat Simulator was hilarious...for about 45 minutes, but I mean the real simulator genre. The ones like Farm Simulator or PC Building Simulator, simulators that, really, are almost like teaching tools. To me if I wanted to learn how to build a PC or raise a barn, I'd...you know....DO that. But again, that's what people said to me back when I played Guitar Hero, but there's a difference rote memorization and genuinely being incapable of reading music and not having the fingers to play or the capacity to remember how to play things. So that's why I called them "teaching tools". These are almost something you can give to a kid so they can learn how to do something in a visual way, and then maybe go apply those skills in the real world if they so chose to.

And then I played Euro Truck Simulator, and I kinda got it.

See, the thing is, simulators just don't really appeal to me because, most of the time, the concept behind the game doesn't appeal to me in real life. Let's face it, I don't need to simulate a farm, I already live on one, and I don't need to simulate building a PC because my girlfriend does that for us. I would absolutely simulate being a goat, but the technology sadly just isn't there yet. Someday though...someday. But with Euro Truck Simulator, I sort of finally understood, in my own way, the appeal for it. It'd been in my wishlist for ages, mostly because it seemed the most absolute generic of ALL the simulator games. Driving a goddamned truck. I kept thinking to myself "wow, they went and made Desert Bus into a hit franchise", and wondering how anyone could possibly gain enjoyment out of this. Plus, the 5 dollar price tag didn't hurt. Even though I bought it on sale for a dollar. Because I'm cheap. And poor.

And at first I have to admit I didn't really understand the appeal still. It wasn't really until I was out on the open road, rain splattering against my windshield that I finally was capable of comprehending, "Oh. I know why I like this. Because I want to run away."

I've always wanted to run away. From growing up in an abusive home to dealing with abusive doctors, the one thing I've always yearned to do, and have done, is leave. I left my monster of a mother back in 2014 and I haven't spoken to her since. My girlfriend and I left Washington when things didn't pan out there, moved to New Mexico, left there after a few years, moved to Texas, stayed there for a few years and so on and so forth. I'm always looking for a new place to go, because that's what happens when the home you grow up in doesn't provide stability. When all you ever feel is that things could fall apart at any minute, and often did, you never really are capable, at least in my experience, of feeling like anything is permanent, and thus, you always have to pack up your cargo and be on the move. Taking to the road once more.

The game is simple. I mean, do I even really need to explain it? How about I provide spoiler bars? Would that entice anyone? Can you even spoil a simulator game? Okay certainly, it was quite the turn of events when Satan himself arose from hell and challenged you to be lord of the underworld if you could beat him in a road trip race, but aside from that (which totally happens, I'm not even kidding, I'm not making this up, you can look it up, this really REALLY happens I swear to you) it's pretty mundane. And while sometimes it left me feeling like I was about to follow innocent drivers in the dead of night and try to run them off the road, ultimately, what's to explain? You drive a fucking truck. Like, the name of the games in this genre are pretty self explanatory, I think. Controls took a bit getting used to, especially since I had to play it with a mouse and keyboard, but even once I got my gamepad set up it still felt...clunky, I guess? I don't know. It wasn't intuitive, but then again neither is driving a big rig, I'd imagine, so perhaps that only lends credence to its credibility as a simulator.

But being on that long stretch of road, by yourself, listening to the rain or the sound of your tires running down the cement, it was...welcoming, and I finally sort of understood simulator games. They're real life disguised as escapism. We're escaping our real lives for better real lives. To my peers, people around my age range (I'm thirty for the record, at least as far as you mere mortals are concerned), this is a wholly engaging prospect, as many of us are underwhelmed and unhappy and feel stuck in lives that, frankly, weren't decided by us and instead decided for us. Saddled with something like student loans or a bad relationship, I could see why escaping to running a farm might appeal to someone. But the thing is, I can hear you saying, "Well, then why not play something like Stardew? It's a farming sim too, in essence!" and while you're not wrong, it's not the same, because Stardew is, first and foremost, fiction, and it makes sure you know it.

Farming Simulator or Euro Truck Simulator are NOT fiction. You're just a normal person, yourself, doing normal things to escape whatever it is you're running away from yourself. I think that's the broad appeal to people my age for this genre. I know that I was extremely relaxed and at ease rolling down the highway until the break of dawn, driving a truck with my high heels on. And if anyone gets that reference, you're my favorite person. I can't even really call this a game, because, well, it's NOT. It's right there in the title. It's a simulator. And yet, somehow, it's extremely enjoyable and peaceful and capable of giving you something you didn't know how badly you needed...freedom

For some of us, we'll achieve for that freedom. But many of us are stuck, and I'm not trying to sound hopeless, it's just a fact. We're stuck in lousy jobs or abusive relationships or broken homes, and sometimes running a digital farm or driving a digital truck is all the freedom we will ever attain.

But someday, and someday soon I hope, I'll be able to turn into a goat, strap a rocket to myself and soar across the ocean. That's the dream, man.

If you'd like to help this broke ass lesbians dream of becoming a rocket goat, you can help by throwing her a couple bucks at Buy Me A Coffee!