Haydee (2016)

Embarrassing that its supposedly anything more than fetish material. Embarrassing that the person who made this is presumably of the human race.

Tries to pass it off as "hardcore" when that really just means unpolished, simple, and horrible. Feels like something someone made the first time trying to develop a game. But infused with pure essence of incel.

When you're dropped in, you get no context as to who you are or what the plot is. You're simply a sexy robot lady with a grossly simplistic "tutorial". Controls suck and let's get to the obvious ridiculous character model.

Questionably human/cyborg with gratuitous proportions and no pants, robot hands (so its not human so it can't be objectifying, right?), and no face. The ultimate sexist character.

I've played more of this game than I should have. I gave it an actual go as a game and I can say as a game it. Is. Trash. Nobody would even know about this game if it weren't for the character model. Or it would be known only infamously as the trash that it is.

I don't care how much this game is. Its not worth your time. Seriously, its not. As a game or anything else.

Rating: 2.5/10

Full disclosure: I spent maybe an hour with this game so my opinion probably doesn't matter.

Let's just get this out of the way: there are gigantic, floppy tits and a big ass that you spend a lot of time looking at because there's a lot of bending over. I think the robot might be a Latina.

I'm so glad I didn't have to give a more professional review for this, because it frustrated me from the moment I started. Whether it's just the game being zoomed into far--which doesn't really work with platforming games most of the time--or the fact that I have to touch the ledge, then press a button to go up and then press the button AGAIN (so there's a glory shot of the ass) in order to go up, it just made me angry.

Or maybe it's the obtuse tutorial. Oh wait, it doesn't exist. You can look at the controls but it doesn't tell you certain things so you have to experiment in order to figure out some stuff. Maybe the bland environments and music bother me. Perhaps it's that the platforming is clunky as shit--you had one job Haydee!--which is obviously a problem considering the genre.

No checkpoints and a Resident Evil save system bothers me a little here because the game isn't inspiring enough to make me want to replay areas. It just becomes monotonous, though to be honest, I've gone on record saying I'm over having to redo sections repeatedly. I did my time with that; I like checkpoints.

Anyway, I don't like this game. It seems to be getting good reviews on Steam, from people who have spent more time with it than me. Since I'm not writing a review for anything other than my own memory, however, I can just say that the beginning impression was terrible and there are too many games out there that I want to play to spend time on this garbage. There's clearly an audience here, especially if you like hard games... but outside of the few clear biases I have, this comes across as poor design more than anything.