“Haha!” 50 Cent laughs and turns to his faithful sidekick DJ Whoo Kid. “Kamail overlooked the fact that I’m bulletproof”. Then you press the ‘taunt’ button and 50 spits some vulgarity I’d prefer not to reprint here.
Ok, here’s the thing: I loved this game. I mean really really loved it. I don’t like 50 Cent. I think his music …
“Haha!” 50 Cent laughs and turns to his faithful sidekick DJ Whoo Kid. “Kamail overlooked the fact that I’m bulletproof”. Then you press the ‘taunt’ button and 50 spits some vulgarity I’d prefer not to reprint here.
Ok, here’s the thing: I loved this game. I mean really really loved it. I don’t like 50 Cent. I think his music is terrible and he is probably the most unlikeable protagonist I have ever played as (and I recently played 3 God Of War games!). He is a vulgar dullard with an insatiable hunger for destroying helicopters. Oh, and points. The guy loves points. You can amass points by stringing together combos, or even by picking up ammo or reaching a checkpoint. This game showers you with points and it becomes strangely addictive. If you’re not shooting people for points then you are breaking crates for cash. This cash can then be spent on weapons, melee attacks, or most importantly ‘taunts’. These ‘taunts’ are the various awful things you can make 50 say with a dedicated cursing button. Using these ‘taunts’ during combat helps you amass more points. Because of this you find yourself punctuating each kill with a burst of 50’s signature impropriety.
Did I mention the soundtrack is all 50 Cent all the time? You probably could have guessed. This game features my favourite loading screen tip of all time. It instructs you how to turn off his music in favour of an instrumental score. The contempt Swordfish had for this project is pretty obvious. Fortunately it didn’t stop them from making a hugely entertaining 3rd person shooter.
The only boss fights have you shooting down helicopters. Why only helicopters? Because apparently he let his kid playtest the game and his son complained there weren’t enough helicopters. That child is a beautiful soul whose opinion should be treasured. 50’s intense hatred of helicopters became my favourite reoccurring joke. Absurd little details like that kept me consistently amused for my whole playthrough.
I am not entirely sure what happened to Swordfish Studios, but if their closure had anything to do with the commercial failure of Blood On The Sand at least they went out with one hell of a bang. Or as 50 would say: “Get rich or die tryin’”.
Hopefully since then everyone involved has accumulated enough wealth to buy all the ‘taunts’ they’ll ever need.
“Yo 50, jump over that big-ass ramp!”
-DJ Whoo Kid
