(warnings for depression/suicide/child death/homophobia)

A young man stands close to the train tracks. The snow is falling gently, and he can hear his heart pounding in his ears. It's time. It's so close. There are too many mistakes to apologize for now. The train arrives, and he dives forward....

That is the opening to Azusa 999, a game so old and obscure it's a wonder it hasn't melted away like snowflakes come spring.

STOP 1: THE MYSTERY OF ICHIRO SOGABE

Here is what we know about the game and it's creator:

• It was created in 1997 by a 19-year-old named Ichiro Sogabe for an RPG maker contest called Conpark.
• Sogabe-san was an anime fan, as evidenced by the many Galaxy 999 and Nausicaa references.
• Sogabe-san doesn't know how lesbians work.
• He made one other game called Clock, which had won the August Conpark that year.

And that, my friends, is all we can gather. It's unclear if he continued making games or if he's just a phantom dreamt up by the collective masses one fall in '97. After talking and digging around with the translator and arguable adoptive father of 999, obskyr, we've come to the conclusion that.... there is no conclusion. And so all we're left with is this coal-stained ticket with no clear destination. I would've liked to see what else Sogabe-san could do-- For every fumble, there is a glimmer of something great.

STOP 2: THE GRATING SOUND OF METAL, THE GENTLE FALL OF SNOW

The game is the story of Hope (yes, that is his name) and his search for answers aboard a mysterious train. There's a host of shady characters you'll be getting to know very well-- Everything from an alcoholic escort to a serial killer to a man one part soot two parts secrets. The first half of the game centers on you taking in the situation, while the second half has you walking in the shoes of the various troubled passengers. Due to the length of the mostly barren train, the first section can be admittedly a bit draining. This isn't helped by the fact that the game features almost no music-- You'll be doing a lot of running around with the painfully crunchy train chug on loop in the background.

The game truly shines, however, in it's second act. This is where Sogabe flexes his skills as an artist. The passenger's personal stories are introduced with stylishly animated title cards and the worlds you explore are airy voids of memory, accented only by a few shadows of grey and red. The tragedy of the characters are further enforced by their isolation as the rest of the npcs are mostly faceless blobs. In the end, it comes down to a set of train tracks and the question of "why?"

The sprites also have these detailed little animations that bring them to life. The titular Azusa is a favorite, as she's characterized by this totally unhinged laughter. I love this girl. And you probably will, too.

Oh, and when the game does have music, it's wonderful. There are moments of misery punctuated by bittersweet melodies, and climaxes of heroism set ablaze with ballads of determination! Sogabe-san probably only had a short amount of time to make this thing, but the few songs he managed to pump out do their job well.

STOP 3: ICHIRO SOGABE, AGE 19

While I do consider Azusa 999's story a strong point, I've also come to recognize it's many faults. I initially played this game with bright, niave eyes, and then proceeded to shove it down the throat of all of my friends, who graciously entertained me. Playing in company brought to light many issues with the treatment of various subjects. Sogabe-san, you did well... But you were young. And that's not how being a lesbian works.

When engaging with a work that deals with depression and suicide, you can instantly tell if the creator has dealt with it personally. There are certain signifies, certain sayings unique to the mind of somebody mentally ill because mental illness just makes your mind work differently. Now, I'm not saying Sogabe-san isn't mentally ill himself. I'm just saying that there are moments in the game that come off as painfully niave in a very "well, why don't you just do some yoga!" way.

All of these complaints surround the player character of Hope, who is trying (and failing) to come up with reasons why these passengers shouldn't take the running leap. These people have experienced unimaginable tragedy and there's this righteous twink up in their ear repeating one-liners from self-help books. Even Hope has experienced despair, but hearing his mother and sister cry for him snaps him out of it. It's well meaning but an extremely ignorant idea to offer clear answers to a subject that has no end or reason.

Oh, and the lesbians. There is a chapter focused on a young girl who begins dating her best friend only to be met with period-appropriate homophobia. It's actually a really touching chapter, one of the most sympathetic in the game, but there's a somewhat cringey attempt at humor where after confessing, the girls immediately go off to bang. The narrator then waxes on about "it was wonderful.....truly sublime...." in a tone not unlike a highschool boy (this being made indeed by a highschool boy). It's not extremely terrible and the story is ultimately on the couple's side, but man! Did I roll my eyes at that one.

FINAL STOP: SAYONARA, SWEET MEMORY

...I feel like I haven't made this game sound very attractive. It's clumsy with it's message and feels juvenile in areas, but the spirit is most certainly there and the overall story is more than solid. If there's one idea it does nail, it's the importance of letting go. Holding onto that misery and fueling your anger to hurt others will only burn you from the inside out. The ending scene is something special. The image of a funeral pyre comes to mind-- Fire burning away the dead, but the flame dancing more alive than ever.

I am happy that Azusa 999 exists. In truth, it's what revived my love for games again. Seeing something so heartfelt and so flawed makes a work all the more human, right? Because in it's cracks is where you can see heart of a person.

This beautiful game narrowly escaped total disappearance thanks to one passionate translator. The game can be played here, totally packaged with an emulator and handy reference guide. Take a look, and appreciate that RPG maker history. Have fun on those dreary tracks.