Summary
1000xResist touched me in a way that I didn't expect out of a game; couldn't, even. It's a beautifully evocative, expressive, deeply written and filled with so many affirmations of life and love. It's cold, reaching into the darkest places of humanity and what it's capable of. It's a full spectrum work that thinks beyond conventions of games to tell something multi-disciplinary, painting its picture through striking cinematography, non-linear writing, the human form itself under the principles of something like interpretive dance, like theater. While it's so raw and creative, it's also tender, nuanced, alternating between gentleness and firmness, dullness and sharpness, recursively in a flowery dance.
It's not perfect, technically speaking at least; rather, has an amateurish edge with its rough movement systems, lower fidelity assets and environmental design. The creators all have backgrounds in things beyond games, more so the arts, which explains much of how it functions and presents itself. It's the imperfections, how it's so unrefined while uncompromising in its essence that inspires and motivates me. It compels me to work on my own games again, a hobby I'd basically abandoned in college. it lifts my spirits and drives me to express and create in these unashamed and earnest ways. To be messy and get my feelings and sentimentality out through my art. Kindling that lifts me through the cold air, letting me float above everything to really take in the beauty before me; showing me a perspective I thought I'd lost.
It's an easy game to play but a deeply difficult game for me to experience for a lot of reasons, which I feel a compulsion to go into personal detail on. it affected me, struck deep at my heart, many exposed nerves and woulds I'd been trying to brush past, cover, even ignore. It's a game filled with pain, angst, loss, resistance. It delves deep into the connection between mother and daughter, sisters, love in all of its forms, for all of its harmony and toxicity. A deep dive in the material relationship of power, control of narratives, authoritarianism, the true nature and worth of freedom and righteous struggle. The way it approaches mercy, forgiveness, understanding and the tragedy of misunderstanding, it gives the deeply compelling feel of a Greek tragedy with the grim hopeful forward looking perspective of something like Deep Space 9.
It's really difficult to talk about the way this game affected me without spoiling the story. I really want you to experience this story blindly if you're reading this, but there's things I need to say. You will not have appropriate context for all of what I'm saying and the experience will be beautiful regardless.
Childhood
Everything begins with the unrest, political turmoil. People living, fighting, shoulder to shoulder for the place they live in resistance to an authoritarian takeover of their nation. The sheer terror violence and suppression leaving deep scars on the psyche, of the victims of the state. Leaving the only home they knew behind, only to understand its transformation, that it won't be the same, when or if they ever return. They had different things on their mind. Survival, love, a child, a continuation in a place where they could be safer, where they could provide a better life for the ones they love most in a new place. One where they'll always be treated as foreign, suspected and mistrusted. A pining for home, and a sense of loss of identity, outsiders in the new culture. Still; they have families to raise, who won't see the terror.
The child grows with hopes and dreams, curiosity and love for the world around her, a passion and freedom of expression, an innocence. As she's shaped by her circumstances and expectations, her sense of unconditional love and trust in the world is betrayed. She's a circle getting forced into a square peg. She's a stranger to the world she's beginning to grow up in, and to the one she has a parental connection to. She lashes out in anger, doesn't truly know or understand what she does, only that it causes more grief. It causes reprisals, the world revealing itself to be harder, colder. All there is, is to endure a life of expectations, very little choice, very little to yearn and live for, adrift in a forlorn interior world, nobody to let in. There's a safety in isolation.
As the shape of time bends around the emotions of the story, things are launched into a desolate past. The girl has grown and truly been forced into her role through a long material sequence of violence and control. More trapped and alone than ever, she looks back at her time in high school to understand the nature of her predicament, of what went wrong, to say goodbye to everyone one last time. To project her memories into the future, for her descendants to eventually understand. Some kind of hollow justice for the people hurt in the process of growing pains. A broken passage of pain through years, days, leading up to the crisis where the world is pulled apart at the seams by a terror beyond comprehension. Change and leaving, death, distance, submission to authority, a greater plan and architecture for our part in a greater vision. Have you ever been in such close proximity to people, while feeling utterly alone?
In a position where someone loved her, when she was lashing out, powerless and denying her own fate, she dragged Jiao down with her. Made her suffer, made a fool of her, broke her heart.. They were both strangers, foreigners. She adored her, tried to be like her, spent time with her after school, but Iris was alone, wanted to stay this way. Rebuked. The Occupants came to claim Jiao along with everyone else, a world uprooted. Tearing in the eyes, suffocation, collapse.. Our atmosphere, our climate in ruin, effects of tear gas in the face of resistance, or a panic attack overwhelmed by the existential pain of life. It all blends together for me.. Iris leaves her parents behind to fall into the machinations of others, as she's immune to the effects of the Occupants. The memory plays out, the Watcher sees her story, is covertly warned, this Allmothers past is checkered with violence and betrayal we've yet to see. But she's so human. She was a victim of circumstance, she didn't choose her life.
Every single thing I've relayed struck a deep nerve with me. I grew up as a precocious and curious child with parents showing me a terrible kind of authoritarian control over my life. A distinct middle eastern quality to my appearance, to my speech, I couldn't hide it, especially living in a post-9/11 America, where people like me were treated with hatred and suspicion. My nose, my hair, my skin, the incorrect W and B/V sounds I learned from my mother. I would express myself, I would be forced into isolation, made to cry, suffer. I remember sobbing from the things people said about me, my mother offering not to help me love my body but to mask it, with bleach. My feminine truth, suppressed by my father outright.
I would learn to stop crying. I would grow into my adolescence entirely without grace, continuing in a feedback loop of lashing out. For everything I did to show my intelligence or creativity, it was encouraged up to a point where it began to hurt me, and so I lashed out more. Turmoil between the parents, a story as old as time, but they wouldn't keep it between each other but against me. Both of them, turning on me, dragging me, making me an effigy of what's wrong with them. I watched my mother try to kill herself in front of me. I couldn't cry anymore. How could I cry? Life became a paralyzing terror where there was no control, and where I had to embody a rejection of order just to find my breath. I had something of an immunity, but there's always a toll. Both Iris and her mother deal with extreme PTSD from their pasts, and in parallel, they are given their own immunity from the Occupants. It's like when you've been emotionally broken, you can reach an understanding or way of living nobody else can comprehend.
It hurts so much to see Iris struggling through the end of high school. I was that child. Disaffected and bitter loner. But I was also Jiao too. I've struggled both with the harsh rejection of others to even feel at home in a space, as well as never feeling at home in any of the spaces I've been assigned. I lashed out, hurt myself, drugs, alcohol. I made mistakes. I did bad things, some of them so bad I don't ever want to utter. Red ribbons wrapping tightly around my disaffected life, as my parents mistreat me, kick me out, weaponize authority against me in any ways they can. I continue to go along with their wishes into college, by some miracle they were not entirely sick of me. It doesn't end until they're completely cut off. They will always find a way to control.
Dystopia
Further in time, it's a compound full of clones living a perfectly stratified futuristic society. All clones of Iris, of the Allmother. Given a mythology, a narrative of her own past. Not even in her own words but carried down by others hoping to emulate her image. The threat of occupants is still alive, everyone is masked and safe, but they have forgotten themselves and where they come from. They're actively reinforced an illusion of what they should be, to conform to a life of absolute control. Their reward is to one day be sent away by train to meet the Allmother. The Watcher recalls the Allmother's past through Communions with her Secretary. Revelations about Iris being a a monster are revealed by her children, who lash out in resistance against the situation they've been forced into by her.. A recursive misery, a vicious cycle of control. Resistance, authority, violence without clarity of purpose. The truth is hidden, and they are like prisoners.
It's horrible. To have every little bad thing you ever did thrown back at you in a verbally abusive onslaught. A ritual to reaffirm your place, to make you submit, to be obedient, to tolerate the abuse. Every mistake you wish you could undo. It's always haunting you, it never goes away. I can never stop seeing those things, feeling an overwhelming sense of shame in myself. I can't handle it. I can't breathe. It's panic attacks all the way down. And they immortalize and broadcast these mistakes. They mythologize them. They become a sort of habitual game for these innocent shells.
Starting to get into the hair of the plot, I'll try to keep things minimal again. The real meat of the game, for you to explore and understand for yourself, unless you already have and are just interested in what I have to say.. If so, I appreciate you a lot.. It isn't easy for me to keep going. But I feel a compulsion to keep writing. Even so, everyone in the compound, their way of life is all they know and they try to make the best of it with the information they have. Many have diverging opinions about the Allmother, but nearly all live in fear of what she's capable of. That fear alone is wielded as a litany against disobedience, for a person who none of them have even seen, all according to the grand designs of the Principal, facilitating these Communions. These unveilings of the Allmothers past, of the nature of the compound. The Watcher watches.
Talk of original sin lays at the heart of why people stick to their programming. But it's no sin.. It's another burning memory. In the time between leaving her parents behind, and establishing her world of clones, Iris had lived alone, all other humans with her, dead and gone. They had tricked her, controlled her, violated, betrayed her trust, used and objectified her for dystopian ends. She made a prayer for their death, for her release. When you live a life of abuse and control, it's in your nature to lash out in self defense, to assert control over yourself again. Many will see a victim and say they're the real offender these days. But these dynamics change and evolve with the passage of time, and the capability of abuse lies in everyone; particularly in those who have only known it their whole lives.
She'd continue the project to clone herself. Still, the isolation, the fear, the loss of control all boiling back up to the surface. Expectations to implant on her children, the pain of the past wearing down on her as she struggles to move forward, just like her own mother. Then, a child innocent, without the context of the pain and misery, the pain and regret. Faces she never wanted to see again, the living dead before her very eyes opening and festering fresh wounds. A bottomless pit of despair to behold, cut down. The child cast out and punished, trapped to a lifetime of reliving the same cycles of growth, suffering and loss as the Principal of the compound. The daughter becomes the mother. The Youngest becomes the Principal, imprisoned by innocent mistakes.
In more memories throughout the story, Iris, her mother, the Principal, Watcher, all lose control of themselves in their sleep. Another sign of trauma. At my worse, I'd have a paralyzing fear of falling asleep in the company of others for what I might say or do in my sleep. It pushed me even deeper into an isolation, where there was nothing I could do. When all you know is control and punishment, the fear that hides behind the discipline slips out through the cracks of our subconscious. The violence of the police, of a parents reprisals, seeing something you shouldn't have, your own shameful mistakes.
In this time period, where I was with my friends, the people I was most close to in my life, who I'd eventually move away from to escape my own parents.. It was any other night where we'd get together and perform together, roleplaying, a bit of community theater and drama. I was still beginning my transition and hadn't come out to everyone or figured out how I wanted to present myself yet, but I was feeling good about myself. a little drunk. Still terrified of those friends seeing my insides on the outside. The main friend, he wanted to be a cop, a criminologist. We were pulled over. I almost saw my insides on the outside. My heart still pounds thinking about it; the terror of the moment never left me. He didn't look at me the same. He didn't look at the police the same.
Theater
In the aftermath of the murder of Iris, a righteous crime of passion done in resistance against the dystopia she'd build for her children. Condemned them to a life without immunity from the Keepers. To toil and struggle under a hierarchical system. Only this murder was orchestrated by a political opportunist using it to her own advantage. The would be liberators who could direct them all to a healthier way of life denied before they could ever get the chance, from the very beginning. A new world, one of roving death squads. Of even more authority, of newspeak and control, offering progress and destroying the tyranny of the past with the tyranny of the future. More atrocities we didn't know we could see done in the name of change and progress.
Since the beginning of resistance, there have been those resisting to seek new forms of abuse and control over others. To right a wrong with more wrongs, to take the place of power, not to radically alter for peoples benefits, but for the power in its own right. Or even people who don't consider the nature of the power to be so corruptive, the control over others, they see it as an affordable loss to make on behalf of their subjects. Authoritarians all with interest in reforming the language of liberation from systems to institute their own new forms of centralized violence. When the power pools into the hands of a selective few, people implicitly lose much of their agency in their own choices. It's the nature of hierarchy, of material power and class analysis. There are the people who control means, and the people at the mercy of this smaller group.
The truth of things hidden in the subconscious of the people, they don't know it but they can feel this isn't the way things should be. The capacity of what could be sustained in their compound is being stretched to its absolute limit. A more harsh stratification of haves and have nots. People from the past clinging to their old joys only to have them ripped away.. An image that once meant terror, death and pain of the past, revived and brought into this world as little more than slaves to serve the interests of a vain, panoptic despot. She calls her army the Red Guard, as if the parallels to Hong Kong and the duplicitousness of state capitalism utilizing the iconography of the people were not obvious enough already.
I've resisted everything from the beginning. The lashing out, feeling the hand of authority coming down and hurting me time and time again. Every strike against me, physical or emotional left a lesson, but not the one intended by the people with power over me. Parents, teachers, police, adults, cruel children who took different lessons from me. I've grown into an ideology born from the same sort of hurt they felt. A love of my fellow sisters, mutual aid and a desire for peace and freedom. To make my own choices and make my mistakes. To take this concentrated power and diffuse it among everyone into new structures, new rules where nobody is left behind. Where nobody could ever accumulate so much power as to keep people hurting for so long in so many ways. I believe in Communism. I believe in Anarchy. In the words of Kropotkin, "Anarchy leads to Communism, and Communism to Anarchy, both alike being expressions of the predominant tendency in modern societies, the pursuit of equality."
Blue sees everything, Iris, her mother, the Watcher, the Principal, all in her dreams, living and toiling away at her empty life devoid of purpose only to survive. It is the world of the now that we're all trapped in. We are told that we've hit the apex of what is possible, that there are always good things on the horizon and fears of backsliding which we must be vigilant of, while those in charge of us always have the final say, and do the backsliding they warn of. We see the authoritarian violence up close.. How could we ever get that image out of our heads when it's been burned into our minds so brightly? We have to resist. We HAVE to resist. There is no choice but to resist. Something has to give, so we're brought to extremes.
Revolution isn't always built on noble ideals, but on the thin fabric of social contracts, the limits of enduring the suffering of living in a cruel society. People of disparate groups and ideas with their own goals come together in alliances of convenience. One's actions may interfere with another's, since we all have different visions of the future and mutually exclusive means of reaching this point. It takes looking past oneself and towards a plurality that can sustain the most people, rather than this exclusivity of ideology, of who gets to be free, who gets their needs met, who gets live for lack of want in the end. Everyone deserves a chance inherently, because we are inherently good. We are born innocent, transformed through the violence inherent to the system. Align your beliefs with the good of everyone, and not simply for the enlightened few. You'd be surprised at how many peoples lives and understanding of everything will change if you give them a chance to.
Forgiveness
Do you remember when you held your knife at me? Screaming red, I couldn't move, completely frozen in fear. Do you remember your hands on me? The way I would lose my breath, petrified as you'd walk through the front door. I would have nowhere to go. Nowhere to hide. living in the most exposed room of the house, there was no space. A life of misery and no privacy, no control.
Attempts are made towards unity, through the circumstances and mechanics of the game, through the weaving and cyclical nature of the ways everyone is connected, you can find a way. We all have something in common with each other, there are ways we could understand, make each other understand. Through persistence, through a perpetual yearning to be free, we resist and assert that there could be a better way. Our undisturbed existence alone is proof that something is amiss, that something needs to change about the way we're stratified and organized. The way we treat each other. If everyone could really see and understand, live in the shoes of others, that information could let us move forward. Arms locked together, either side by side or in an embrace.
She used to tell me about the life she lived in her home country. Her own mother who hurt her worse than me. Who dismissed and hated every expression of her individuality. Still, she grew into a strong woman, made her own choices. Stood up for what she believed in in the face of authoritarianism and fascists targeting and killing people like her, her friends, my relatives. She left for a better world. She found love. She had me.
For all of the suffering and tragedy in the game done in the name of retaliation and justice, things never seem to get better. Things change, but vengeance does so well to hide it's true nature. It isn't justice, but an act of violence. The game spends a great deal of time expressing that violence isn't a delicate instrument. While necessary in many cases, it isn't the solution to everything, and can be used for its own sake. Many uses of it even enforce and necessitate its continued use. There's something greater, finer tools that need to be used to change things. Mercy, forgiveness, solidarity and awareness lay at the heart of the game. The entire impetus of the Keepers and their invasion is something of a connective tissue of the collective consciousness and art of communication. The keepers power is something we all have inside of us, and it's capable of horrible and beautiful things.
Every mother was a child once. She was a tomboy, a rebellious soul. Jumping from third story windows to sneak away, hurting herself horribly in the process and being nursed back to health by the very people she'd been trying to spite. She loves the beautiful Mediterranean Sea, discotheques, pomegranates, vivid artistic expression. She's a jovial and cheery person who always finds a way to blend her unique sense of humor into everything when things are going good. I love my mother so much. It makes it so heartbroken weaving through the fabric of my memory, feeling the gaps, scars, permanent marks where love should've been. I am like my mother, my mother is like me. Her mother was like her.
Its in me to forgive and show mercy, even if I'm weaker for it. I echo the sentiment of Watcher that nobody is beyond forgiveness. I don't believe in death, but life. I want everyone to live as long as possible. Even nazis. Even billionaires. But I'm depressed because they show a level of violence that necessitates more violence to preserve everyone else. I believe in care ethics on a hardcore level. I believe fully in restorative justice and rehabilitation. The tools of violence need to be dismantled and brought down to an even level among everyone.Its a difficult thing to believe; maybe the hardest thing when all of my emotions scream at how stupid I am. Still, I'm trying to look at a bigger picture. Subtraction is violence. Change itself is violence. If you take away the means to control and hurt people they will not control and hurt people.
I told her. I told her everything. I told her I was suicidal, and it was because of her. I told her that I can barely cling onto this life, for all of its beauty and that every day was a battle for me. That I'd hoped I could move on from these things and heal, in a time where I was so certain that healing would never come. Even now, I feel so damaged, an ashamed and broken whipping girl, even if the abuse has long ended. It plays back recursively in my head over and over, to the point where it becomes the very language of my mind and memory. She reflected on herself. She's sorry. She's sorry and I forgive her. I forgive her because nobody is beyond forgiveness, if they show they really care.. If they communicate, if they reach back out. I love you, mom. I mean it.
I find solace in the perennial suffering of resistance knowing I could help things even a little. Even for one person. We are individuals, and the collective of humanity is beyond our comprehension. Even so, the collective changes as people change.. As decisions are made, choices, even if those choices come from circumstances that are hamstrung, or where there is an illusion of choice. Everything we do for one another makes a difference, and solidarity together, organizing as one makes for a better world.. This is the true unifying power of the Keepers, of communication and the arts, humanities and relation of our inner worlds externalized so radiantly.
I'm sorry I haven't called. I'm just overwhelmed and terrified at the magnitude of life right now. I'm sure you understand. I'm starting to grow into responsibilities, feel frustrations you felt about being so alone with work and struggle with nobody to lean on. I want to be a mother. I even wrote a confessional about it. You will live to be a grandmother if I can help it. There is no chance you're ever going to see or understand the context of this. It's practice, I'll say it to you in person. The way Iris and her mother always avoided talking to each other, Iris and the Youngest. Distance and isolation made worse through a lack of communication. I don't want to keep making those mistakes again.
Sisterly love for one another. Motherly love for the child. Fatherly inspiration to be there for the next generation. Resisting when you are pressured to do something wrong. Resisting authority, asserting our own humanity and showing radical kindness and empathy in one another. There is something so astoundingly beautiful about the way the game approaches it. Yet it's tarnished by its own capacity for its inversions. When parents fail. When we aren't forgiven, or given patience, or understood. Where things divide us along ideological and circumstantial axes.. Abuse. Control. Violations. Misunderstandings. Death. It shows the full spectrum because there can be no light without darkness. There are reasons it matters. Things that are self evident and beautiful to behold. Life is fragile and terrifying and the totality of the beauty and goodness we will ever experience.
Hekki grace, sister.
Reviewed on Feb 20, 2025