Soldier of Fortune: Payback (2007)

Playing Soldier Of Fortune: Payback was a deeply sobering experience. One that left me questioning my place on this big ole dirty rock as well as the validity of how I choose to spend my free time. I don’t think this is what Cauldron intended. Their intentions were perfectly clear - release a competent but completely forgettable title. You may remember Cauldron from developing gems like ‘The History Channel: Civil War – A Nation Divided’ , ‘Secret Service’ or ‘Jurassic: The Hunted’ – all of which are games that definitely exist.

This game is really only notable for one reason. Soldier Of Fortune: Payback was initially refused classification here in Australia due to its excessive violence. The game was modified, removing any questionable content, and then reclassified. How excessive is it? It is kind of bizarre, really. Limbs and heads pop off with every bullet exchanged causing blood to spurt out gratuitously; arms and legs twitching on the ground before glitching out into oblivion. It is so cartoonish that it is initially very amusing. But then you realise you actually have to play the game.

The game isn’t necessarily bad. It is competent, and thankfully short. To mask its length Cauldron have artificially increased the difficulty to make it as frustrating as possible. But hey, there’s an easy mode that alleviates the problem. You work your way through 14 levels spanning 5 environments – a forest, a desert and other stuff! As you can imagine none of this is particularly riveting. But hey, there are boss fights, all of which are bullet sponges. You like bullet sponges, right?

And then 3-4 hours later the game ends and you are left feeling empty inside. You peek out the blinds to see the sun shining and realise there is a world out there. One with real trees and real sand and buildings with textures. You leave the console running as you grab your keys from the table. You open the front door and step outside. You breathe.