Review Vallejo 3/5 · Jan 3, 2025
This is a hard review to write because holy hell, this game is such a trash fire.
Back when I was a teenager, the Dynasty Warriors games were such a step forward in to my videogame experience. The ginormous maps full of enemies, the large roster of characters and moves, the flashy graphics, and the fact that the game didn't …
This is a hard review to write because holy hell, this game is such a trash fire.
Back when I was a teenager, the Dynasty Warriors games were such a step forward in to my videogame experience. The ginormous maps full of enemies, the large roster of characters and moves, the flashy graphics, and the fact that the game didn't require much technical introduction to start being fun: just mash the combos, 1 2 3 and press O and your cute Chinese princess goes BOOM! Recipe for success if I have ever seen one.
It was a breakthrough, taking into account that by that time Diablo II was a technical marvel. I think this was back in 2001 more or less, so by 2010 (when I first played this game) this formula was... a little bit tired, already. Hell, we were already well into the PS3 era and only one year away from Dark Souls. The ethos of the Dynasty Warriors Musou already felt like old news.
Warriors Orochi is such a mindless time dump. The missions are repetitive and uninteresting. After the third or fourth mission you are pretty much prepared to clear the rest of the game. The Weapon-Fusing mechanic is put together with boggers and pre-chewed gum and the characters don't even have any customizable options. I actually read that the Warriors Orochi franchise started pretty much as a pre-Online game cash grab: Just re use a bunch of assets with minimal additional effort, add the tiniest, most flimsy excuse of a story and voilá: this trash dump, ready to be packaged and off to the store front.
But it is MY TRASH DUMP, and I LOVE IT.
I don't know what to tell you, man. It just feels so good to mash through thousands of enemies using an oversized Katana. This game makes me question my neuronormativity in major ways. Why I spent more than eighty hours getting all the stupid special objects? Especially the Lu Bu one which is so, so stupidly annoying to get. It is not even an intuitive 100% because, unlike games like Spider-Man or Far Cry, you pretty much need to get a walkthrough for those special shits unless you want to spend thousands of hours brute forcing your way to get them, which would be even MORE of a waste of time. Still even with walkthroughs getting all the things in this game will take you at least 50 or so hours and then... nothing. No special accomplishment, not fulfilling sensation, nothing. Is not even like I didn't see this coming. This game does not feel fun or enthralling or anything, it doesn't CAPTURES your attention or anything like that.
And you know what? That is fine, sometimes you just need to maggot-brain your way through a game like this to regain your bearings. More power to you, Koei. Thank you for making time wasting a mild enjoyment.
