Review Yungbeck 2/5 · Jan 28, 2024
Tekken¹
I decided to play all the Tekkens because I really only played 3 back in the day, which was legendary and amazing and everyone I knew played it for years. Then I tried 4 for a bit before I moved abroad and left my Playstation2 behind, but it’s time to turn back the clock and give the other entries their …
I decided to play all the Tekkens because I really only played 3 back in the day, which was legendary and amazing and everyone I knew played it for years. Then I tried 4 for a bit before I moved abroad and left my Playstation2 behind, but it’s time to turn back the clock and give the other entries their proper due. The fighters all feel different enough with fast or slow kicks and punches, as well as throws/grapples, aerial attacks and special combos. Law and Kazuya are quicker and handles a bit more agile than for example Jack or Paul who feels heavier.

King wears a little tie in this.
I finished the game with all 8 characters and the cut scenes are just total horseradish, not only in terms of quality, graphics and design, but some of them are even kind of fucked up. Nina slaps the shit out of Michelle for accusing her of stealing her shoe - just to reveal that she actually did?? What an asshole. Yoshimitsu is just hauling ass on his horse through some village throwing cash at peasants, leaving them scrambling in the dust. These terrible little films where the only reason I wanted to beat it with all eight fighters. I know, I could've gone on youtube and watched them, but anyway. The stages are fine but lack any objects or detail and the music is bland and forgettable. Nothing that holds up or evokes emotion.

Are those Nike's?
Now don’t forget, this is an Arcade game, so after Round 4 or so the difficulty becomes rigged, ruthless and ridiculous. I’ve had kicks go right through my opponent, I’ve had insane galaxy defying NPC back-from-the-dead comebacks that you would not even believe if I showed you. The Japanese government has to owe its citizens some kind of reparations for putting this game out. No way this is actually legal? I sometimes laughed-cried and angrily googled “Tekken is Rigged” and looked up programmers names to an old game from 1994 so I could curse them with what little black magic I have left…Think about that…That’s madness. That’s Tekken it too far.
Ok I’m going to bed thanks for listening.
[2.1] / [5]