Kao the Kangaroo (2022)

This game has turned me into a pedantic asshole. It thoroughly wastes the concept of the kangaroo platformer, ignoring everything interesting about the animal, while simultaneously having zero interest in Australia as a setting.

Kao’s legs move independently. That should be enough to make you storm into your local game store, demanding they destroy all copies of this abomination. Sure, it’s easier to program and more familiar to control, but it might as well be a person in a fur suit. I have seen thousands of kangaroos. Multiple per day for most of my life. Guess what? They hop, both legs at once, utilising their front paws at low speeds. They have pouches and big strong tails. This game limits your tail use to a generic mid-jump tail whip. Hell, even the double jump doesn’t feel like a hop. Your pouch? Well, Kao doesn’t have a pouch because he’s a male, which is totally accurate. Why wouldn’t you make them female so they could store awesome weapons in their pouch?

I didn’t realise I had such passionate views about kangaroos in gaming, but here we are. I know this was developed by a Polish studio, and I admire their passion for bringing this character back from the dead, but surely they could have taken the time to Google image search “Australia”.

Ok, so it doesn’t take place on mainland Australia. That’s fine. Crash Bandicoot did the same thing, but at least it made sense narratively. Kao takes place on… uh… Hopalloo Island. Ok, sure. If only there was a real-life precedent for an island of kangaroos. Some kind of Kangaroo Island. Some kind of Kangaroo Island that is well known for its various types of fauna - Roos, wallabies, koalas, goannas, etc. Perfect fodder for an Australian-themed platformer.

But wait, there’s a Koala. He’s your martial arts mentor in Roojitsu (I could be misremembering the exact pun). Love the pun, so will let it slide. Are the environments Australian? Nope, just your bog standard platformer environments - Island, jungle, ice and carnival. What about the enemies? Frogs, monkeys and goats. I can’t even… I really can’t do this… let me get into fist fights with goannas! I have been chased by goannas. They are terrifying. The primary antagonist of Ty the Tasmanian Tiger (developed in Aus) was a cassowary. What a beautiful deep cut for a villain. It’s Australia’s most villainous bird. The villain of Kao the Kangaroo is the “Eternal Warrior”, who is not revealed until the final boss fight. Spoiler alert: not a cassowary.

I have to move onto the game itself, but wait, just one more thing. The primary collectables are gold coins that you use as currency. What kind of coins? Ducats. Maybe their Google search autocorrected to “Austrian”.

The game itself - it’s fine. The movement is responsive, with really tight animations for dodge rolling and ledge grabbing that feel great. The level design is dull - simple and linear, but gets more interesting as you progress. There are 4 small hubworlds… you know what? Screw it. This game is fine. If you have a soft spot for early 3D platformers you’ll find something to like. Wait for the inevitable price drop, blah blah blah etc.

Enough of this. I’m going to go watch videos of goannas.